The crazy world that is secret cinema

You will have heard the slogan - secret cinema - tell no one. This summers programme instantly sold out and it was looking like this was going to be another time that it remained on my list of things I really should do. Last summers film was Shawshank redemption - the audience were tried in a courthouse, sentenced, given prison overalls and sent via Authentic prison buses to live out their sentence. I wanted to be a part of it.

My dreams were answered ( theme of the film spoiler) when more tickets came up. Julie and I were sent frequent teasers about what we were going to have to do. Our first main task was to sign up and submit our work experience. I explained that my work as a parking inspector wasn't fulfilling my dreams of using my craft skills and creativity, Julie wanted to dance more. After a full assessment we were told to report into our respective departments for our first days work as a G.O.O.D employee. 

Our dress ( deemed to be appropriate for our work station) was office chic, post Franco manca pizza we headed off to work. Fellow workers were spotted on the train and we gave each other nervous first day smiles. We reported into G.O.O.D headquarters in West Croydon. Our ID's were checked on arrival, I was granted a left handed upgrade to the 13th floor, and we were reprimanded for using the same entrance ( we had separation issues). 

Still none the wiser about the film we reported into the committee for affordable housing and got busy making circular homes out of cardboard. After our shift we bumped into the tea lady who added a bit of whisky to calm any first day nerves and we reported into the Finance department on the 5th floor. The place was crazy - actors running around, women on roller skates, food for sale, men giving massages. Finance was no fun, so we skipped down to the fashion floor, avoided the ' design yourself a new vulva' room and chanced upon a vending machine. Remarkably human customer service, and when the hand giving Julie her wine gave her a thumb sign and told her to do one I couldn't stop laughing.

We checked out the 13th floor, admired the view of Croydon and then found ourselves being asked to listen in and transcribe a conversation from 2 suspected bad employees who were being interviewed in an interrogation room. Work done, we need a break, so we hang around near the offices on the 9th. Until we get spotted by a terrifying man who screams that there are no breaks allowed, we run away from him ( spilling my wine) and hide in office 9.10. He finds us and tells us that if he sees us little shits not working again he's sending us to the 10th for punishment. Much giggling.

We explore the rest of the floors, I can't really describe it all - it's the weirdest thing I've ever experienced. Had I seen or been aware of the film I think it would all have made a lot more sense. As neither of us had any clue what it was - it meant less, but that didn't detract from the experience. we were both loving it. 

Other highlights included me being shouted at again for picking up a face mask ' put it down' screamed the manager. I did. Scared. I thought he was going to confiscate my phone at one point but Julie sweet talked him. We had massages, had more human vending experiences, had our dreams acted out. We discovered a secret floor and got told that G.O.O.D wasn't what it seemed. The lift girls sang at us, a hot repairs man flirted with us and then the main event.....

I can't say much more than this, but at about 9.30 the genius in the choice of building became apparent. Really, really cool.

Remember, tell no one

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The day I controlled the weather

I'm not sure I've mentioned it readers, but I've been away a while, travelling in Africa ( yawn...). I got back to a very snowy London and to be honest I've not been feeling the London magic.

I had to do something different , something new - I needed to fall back in love with my city.

I heard about the mysterious sounding rainroom from a Welshman. As a general rule I avoid Welshmen - years of summer holidays in rainy, miserable north Wales being the very valid reason. However this Welshman seemed unusually chirpy about London - and he raved about rainroom. I did a bit of research, and it was a temporary exhibition on at the Barbican. On the positive it sounded amazing, I've never really spent any time in the barbican and you got to hang around inside away from the snow. On the negative it was closing in a few weeks, queues of 3 hours were being blogged about and I would need to get up before 9am.

My lovely Belgian was over the following weekend, so after talking it through, she was game. We casually got there at 10.30am ( the exhibition opens at 11am) and joined the queue. I'd got my light clothes on ( recommended if you want to keep really, really dry). Somewhat randomly Gok Wan walked past with a cheery hello. That was about the extent of the good news. A nice official looking lady came and broke the news that where we were was a 5 hour wait.

We did the sensible thing, and wandered off to the never not amazing Broadway market and hung out with the hipsters, ate violet cupcakes and got involved some of the most incredible smoked salmon. The Belgian loved Broadway market. We then headed to Colombia Road and indulged ourselves in some Orla Kiely purchases, we also stumbled past Keira Knightly. Seemed nice.



So the 5 hours we could have been queueing was nicely spent.

Over the following week I kept thinking about this room though. How could tourists be getting to see it, and I'd failed miserably? It wouldn't do. I was going back. I needed someone used to hanging around waiting patiently. A fellow backpacker. Helen was roped in. This time we got there at 9.30am - we meant business. I brought my travel pillow and settled in. 3.5 hours later we were smugly at the front waiting to go in. They let around 6 people in at a time. When we got the nod I positively skipped down. It was that exciting.

The actual walking into the wall of rain was a little daunting, the assistant told us to walk slowly if we wanted to avoid getting wet. I'm not sure I do slow walking, and I did get the old drip on me. But the sensation is very, very incredible. If I believed in God, or a weather lord ,then this might be what they get to experience. I/ they walk - rain ceases. To the side, front and back torrential rain, right where I am dry. Very, very cool my friends.

I'd say go, but it's pretty much all over red rover. I can imagining it popping up somewhere else though. It's too incredible for it not to.

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